remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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