I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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