I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
