so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
