I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Four minutes until I can fart!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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