Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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