We're like a lot better than the average bears
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
