Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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