So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
