Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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