I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize
