So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
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Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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