please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
