lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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