last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
