we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
