Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
And then he peed in my hair
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
