why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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