You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she peed on how many people?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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