I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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