went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
