They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
