You just made me feel so damn special
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
