Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
