Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got inside last night via doggy door
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
