And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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