So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
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We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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