I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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