I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
