sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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