Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
