She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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