it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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