If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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