My friends, they love my intelligence
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's blow job season.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
