erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
