Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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