using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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