She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She bit a glass in half.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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