You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize