i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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