Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
