I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
