i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
