you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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