If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
