are you still at the devil's house?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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