you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
