You're my little dorito
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
