take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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