A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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