Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
