david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
