therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Congratulations! We have a period
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
