I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
