we're blogging at a bar
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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