Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
