"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
