I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
