We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
