I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
