He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize