Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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