when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
