Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she peed on how many people?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
