And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
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I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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