it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
