dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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