dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
