Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
