I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
the liver wants what the liver wants
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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