Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
