I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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