Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
