it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
