3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
