first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
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She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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