There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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