My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
