i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
