Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
