I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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