what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
