i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
