Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
