i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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