MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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