$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
