I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
