new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My ATM looks so different sober.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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