my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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